just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
the liver wants what the liver wants
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
