he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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