I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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