I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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