Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
