I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
