I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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