Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
