Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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