I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize