It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
this hospital has no fireball
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
