Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
