called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
