Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
