O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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