I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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