i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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