when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
