About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
