Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
