so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
