and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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