nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
