her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
