i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
