Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
