I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
