I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
