The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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