So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
