Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
we should paint friendship bongs
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