Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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