How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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