I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
