Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize