TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
