just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
