I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
