We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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