brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
