I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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