well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
