Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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