So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
