I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
