I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
