He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
