I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
