I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
