I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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