i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
