I got her a Nickelback box set.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
