I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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