It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
