What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
