His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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