It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
