i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
