I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
