Fuck appropriateness.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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