I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
