my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
