ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I supernannyed him into submission
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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