Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
