I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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