just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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