Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
