We need to rekindle our bromance
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
