New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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