I wish my penis had an off switch
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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