is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize