theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
