Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
