That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
