another moral hangover. fuck.
I understand Curling. That high.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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