for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
