I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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