I can text with my tongue
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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