Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
