he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
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She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize