Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
