So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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